Christmas Carols: Not All That They Seem To Be

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Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la, la la la la...

Christmas is just around the corner. And while you are happily burning a hole in your pockets buying gifts for Christmas exchange parties, there is always a soft melancholic feel floating in the air, reminding you that it's Christmas season. Well, ok. It's probably nothing so spiritual but more likely the Christmas Carols that are airing through the sound system of the shopping centres that you are in.

But I would like to bring your attention to the evils of these Christmas Carols that we have been singing across the years, subconsciously instilling the wrong values on our children year after year. Don't believe me? Read on and be amazed...

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#1: Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer
A merry song about a fluffy Reindeer with a unique ability that gets him recognised. What could be so wrong about this?

Well for starters, it sort of teaches our kids to shun those who are different from us:

All of the other reindeer 
used to laugh and call him names. 
They never let poor Rudolph 
join in any reindeer games. 

Yes, Rudolph did have a bright and shiny red nose. But that doesn't mean he should be outcast by the rest of the reindeer. In today's society, a red nose is as similar to someone of a different race, gender, skin tone or sexual preference. I don't think we should teach our kids to laugh and call them names.

I dare you to call me sniffy 1 more time...
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Granted that the words used to, in a deeper context, somehow helps to lean it towards not laughing at society's red noses and not calling them names, however things just start to go even more downhill from here.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve 
Santa came to say: 
"Rudolph with your nose so bright, 
won't you guide my sleigh tonight?" 

Then all the reindeer loved him 
as they shouted out with glee, 
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, 
you'll go down in history!

So due to Rudolph's rise to fame, suddenly all the other reindeer, who used to laugh and tease him, had an instant change of heart. Suddenly Mr Weird became Mr Popular just because a famous fat guy in a beard and red overalls asked him to join his crew.

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Isn't that the same as teaching our kids that we should idolise those people who are affiliated with the rich and famous, even though they are act like punks? Well, that pretty much explains why popstars are getting paid millions and have seas of swooning fans while the real heroesof our lives, such as policemen, firefighters and paramedics, pretty much go by unnoticed by the general public.

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#2: Frosty The Snowman
A magical tale of a playful snowman brought to life. What's there not to like about it?

Frosty the Snowman, is a fairytale, they say.
He was made of snow, but the children know he came to life one day.

There must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found,
For when they placed it on his head, he began to dance around!

We all don't mind kids playing in the snow and building snowmen and stuff. But I doubt anyone would agree to letting their children pick up a strange, old and tattered hat to be used as a plaything, or any random junk not belonging to any of their families for that matter. You don't just go picking up random stuff you find on the ground, especially during the Chinese 7th month.

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Down to the village, with a broomstick in his hand,
Running here and there, all around the square,
sayin', "Catch me if you can."

Teaching children to run amok in a busy public area is bad enough, but this song tops it by telling them to bring a broom along too! Try getting your kids [if you have any] to run about in the middle of any shopping centre in Orchard Road and you can very quickly start counting the number of death stares directed towards you and your kids from the rest of the public.

He led them down the streets of town, right to the traffic cop...

Well, did the kids even ask permission from their parents to follow a supposingly non-living thing anywhere it wanted to bring them? Probably not. The parents of those kids were probably worried sick trying to find where their kids ran off to. What's worse, judging from the previous sentence where they were running around the square, Frosty probably got the kids to run down the streets too. And everyone knows it's dangerous for children to be running and playing along the streets. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

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#3: I saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus
Well, the title itself pretty much gives away that this song wasn't exactly composed with the kids in mind.

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
She didn't see me creep
down the stairs to have a peek
She thought that I was tucked up in my Bedroom fast asleep

Kids, it is NOT OK to creep out of bed and peep into the nightlives of your mummy and daddy, when you are supposed to be in your bed sleeping. Judging by the way this song is going, it's going to go from PG13 to M18 within a very short time. This kid is probably going to be scarred for life once the song moves on to the next scene.

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And we can only wonder where Santa strategically placed that mistletoe...

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#4: Jingle Bells
Bells, Snow, Horses, Sleighs and laughter. What could possibility go wrong here?
Well the first half of the song looks innocent enough. But when we get to the 2nd part of the song, it all starts to fall apart. Thankfully, not many people know the actual lyrics of the 2nd half... [Or even know that there is a second half at all]

A day or two ago
I thought I'd take a ride
And soon Miss Fanny Bright
Was seated by my side

The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
We got into a drifted bank
And then we got upsot

Let's break it down line by line.

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So first, it seems that Miss Fanny Bright [who was probably a gold digger] suddenly appeared by the side of our protagonist once he is inside his sleigh. If got a ride, you get the babe. Yup. Pretty much seems to be the norm in our society nowadays. Girls are prompted to look for guys with lots of material possessions.

The next verse requires a little research to uncover it's real meaning. A "drifted bank" is actually a combination of  "snowdrift", which means snow in the breeze, and "snowbank", which means a pile of snow beside a road. And "upsot" roughly means "overturned".

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So apparently, the sleigh got caught in a snowdrift, crashed into a snowbank and flipped over. Not something to be extremely proud of. And then the song jollily continues into a happy, celebratory chorus. So, you're telling me that it's ok to drive dangerously in a snowstorm, cause an accident that flips the car over, and even celebrate your misfortune with joy? Seriously?

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#5: We Wish You A Merry Christmas
A stereotypical Christmas cheer that basically repeats the title to infinity. I'm sure this one can't be that bad right?

As with #4, the first half of the song is pretty simple and straight-forward, wishing good tidings and a Merry Christmas to everyone. That is, until the 2nd verse steps in...

Oh, bring us a figgy pudding; 
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding; 
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer
We won't go until we get some; 
We won't go until we get some; 
We won't go until we get some, so bring some out here

Ok. So you've repeated "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" more times than I could care for, and you're starting to get hungry. But that's no reason to barbarically demand pudding and booze. And to make matters worse, you're even starting a sit-down strike until your demands are met. I hope you get arrested and deported for your troubles, just like those bus drivers...

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Well, I'm sorry to have ruined your holiday season mood. But it's not my fault that I tend to look at things from a different angle.

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But hey, at least 1 person in the internet agrees with me.

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