Army Mysteries Revealed

 Image taken from Google Search 

Disclaimer: The statements and views listed in this post are purely for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events, people or organizations are purely coincidental.

As some of you would know, I am currently stuck in camp while serving my reservist. Since I have some spare time to kill, I thought that I could help shed some light on some of the mysteries that most humans who have served the Singapore Armed Forces and National Service will have heard of. 

Many of these mysteries are well known to Singaporeans who have served their national service but apparently no one has ever uncovered the reasons behind why these mysteries actually happen... Until now...

Image taken from Google Search 

1. Why are our soldiers always made to rush to wait, and wait to rush?

Everyone knows that our poor soldiers are always rushing to get to a fall-in location within a short period of time, but always end up waiting there for a very long time before they get the next location or institution to "rush" to. 

Image taken from Google Search

Allow me to explain why this happens.

Because of the army's regimental organizational structure, instructions are always passed down from the top. And these instructions usually take a while to reach their actual intended audience [the soldiers]. For example:

0800hrs: Commanding Officer [CO] to Regimental Sargent Major [RSM]: Get your men ready at this location by 1000hrs.

0815hrs: RSM to Officer Commanding [OC]: Get your men ready at this location by 0945hrs.

0830hrs: OC to Platoon Officer: Get our men ready at this location by 0930hrs.

0845hrs: Platoon Officer to Platoon Sargent: Get our men ready at this location by 0915hrs.

0900hrs: Platoon Sargent to Men: Quick fall-in! We have to rush to this location now! I give you 5 minutes to reach this location, starting from NOW!

Final outcome:
Men have to rush to said location within 5 minutes, and sit there for 55 minutes to wait for CO's arrival. 

2. Why is the cookhouse food always so tasteless and unappealing?

Ask any soldier about the food they get from the cookhouse and most of them will tell you that they only eat it because they are hungry and there's nothing else to eat. I have yet to find a single human who claims that he likes the cookhouse food.

Although when compared against the old days where your meals depended on the emotional state of the random humans that were assigned the "cook" vocations [most of them with no prior cooking experience at all], the current outsourced cookhouse delivers much more edible food, however, it is still a far cry from what normal humans would call a "nice meal".

And the reason is simple. It is actually one big conspiracy to earn more money from our soldiers serving the nation.

Image taken from Google Search

If you haven't noticed, the canteens are always strategically placed in very close proximity with the cookhouse. These canteen stalls only sell you food if you pay them real money. And the prices are similar to the normal food court prices that you find outside. 

In fact, there's no other logical reason why these canteen stalls should be open during meal times, other than them wanting you to throw your cookhouse food away and buy some "slightly more edible food" from them. 

And don't even get me started on the specialist and officer messes that sell even more expensive munchies. 

3. Why are our uniforms green when less than 10% of Singapore is covered in vegetation?

The green camo uniform is good for hiding out in jungles and forests with lots of trees and bushes.

However, almost 90% of Singapore has been urbanized and consists of metal, concrete and glass instead of trees and bushes. Yet our army uniforms are still green in colour?

The reason for this simple. It also goes in line with our army's "3 is to 1" [gangsterism] policy which states that "for every enemy expected, 3 SAF personnel are to be deployed". 

Image taken from Google Search

So take this example:
If you are a single aggressor trying to attack Singapore, and u see 20 obvious green uniforms perched atop our "world-class" HDBs, would you even dare to walk out of your hiding hole?

So there you have it. 3 of the Singapore Armed Forces historical mysteries unraveled before your very eyes. But don't take my word for it, think it through for yourself!

As for me, it's back to the bed for now. It's another couple of days before I get to book out of this place and get back to a normal life. Until then, goodnight soldier!

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