Google's Autocomplete at its Best

Google has done such a fantastic job of optimizing internet search that nowadays, when we search for something on the Internet, we always say "Google it". Although Google is actually just one "brand" of the many different Internet search engines around. [The same thing goes for Pampers. Nobody says "Let's go get more diapers" anymore.]


One of the many popular features of Google's powerful search engine is its ability to "predict" what you are actually looking for while you type it out. This of course saves us lots of time as we do not have to type out the entire phrase.


It is said that the suggestions are based on popularity of real searches done by real humans. Well, apparently many humans seem to be looking for very peculiar stuff on the Internet. And I'm not talking about porn.


Here is a list of some of the most hilarious Google autocomplete suggestions that I have come across. All personally tested to be true by yours truly.


1. i hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl
I also hope you are living in 300 BC so this can be possible


2. how to raise your iq by eating gifted children
first, you need to get parents to send you children through snail mail. Emailing them does not work.


3. sometimes i like to cover myself in vaseline
sometimes I like to stay away from creepy people


4. can i get aids from swimming with black people
can I get Alzheimer's from swimming with stupid people?


5. i hate it when a chinchilla eats the universe
I love it when there are irrational fears of cute animals


6. i am extremely terrified of chinese people
Beware, I am extremely chinese!


7. are babies dishwasher safe
No. And apparently parents aren't stupid safe as well


8. i hate it when voldemort hides in in my turban / i hate it when voldemort uses my shampoo
I hate it when Harry Potter fans crash google search


9. why is there a dead pakistani on my couch
the bigger question would be, why are there CIA agents knocking on your door?


10. my hair is a bird and your argument is invalid
I never knew Medusa had a cousin who was into debates


11. why won't my parakeet eat my diarrhea
why won't your neighbours report you to SPCA?


12. your hands and feet are mangos
Cannibalism at its best


13. my pants are haunted
Yeah, the cloth around my crotch area will suddenly get raised without any reason!


14. do children go to heaven / do children go to hell
No, they go to school, just like you did when you were young


15. i want a hippopotamus for christmas
because giraffes are too mainstream


16. can jesus microwave a burrito
I don't think either of them even existed during his time


17. monkeys are made of chocolate
and unicorns are made of rainbows


18. you smell like a baby prostitute
you smell like a sick paedophile


19. chuck norris can swim through land
He can also break a Nokia 3210 in half


20. never put jam on a magnet
it just makes the magnet taste bad


Seriously Google?

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