Gossip's Afoot

Just within these couple of days, I've gotten myself entwined into not 1 but 2 gossip-worthy sagas. The more notable one would be the ZR-Alvin-Yuki saga, and another squabble closer to home, which I shall not detail here.


Sometimes it just makes me wonder why people like to gossip around so much.
[in other words, why are people so kaypo?]


I woke up on Tuesday morning to a shocking jump in my blog pageviews. Seems like everyone had suddenly become interested in Zoe Raymond's love life, and a recent picture I posted in a food review seemed to be the evidence of some underground hanky panky. Read my post here.


So today, I'm going to share my own opinions on dating and relationships in general.


I am totally not interested in whether or not ZR did or did not steal someone else's fiancée. That is irrelevant. This type of things happen everyday , but just because ZR is someone in the limelight, everyone starts wagging their tongues. If this happened to any of your secondary school or university friends that is not of any celebrity status, [read: someone who the public doesn't give a shit about] nobody would even be bothered to find out anything and just accept the fact that the new couple is together.



Where 3x Is Not A Charm



My personal take on 3rd party interferences in relationships is plain and simple. As long as a couple is not gone through ROM and are legally married, there is always a chance that a separation might occur. Well, technically, even after marriage, there's something called a divorce. But let's not go there.


To remove the stigma of whether the male or the female is the one who has a change of heart, let's just use Person A and B in this example. So, Person A and Person B are in a stable relationship. Everything is sweet and romantic. They say they even promise each other that they are going to get married someday. But they are not yet officially married.


Then 1 day, Person C appears. Some how, some way, Person A develops a liking for Person C. A liking. Some good tingles but not any deep emotional feelings. Person A and Person C start getting closer. They text, they have meals together, they wish each other goodnight every night.


At this point, I don't feel that anyone has done anything wrong yet. Persons A and B are still together, and Persons A and C are becoming close friends [regardless whether or not there is intent to bring the relationship further] As long as there is no romantic intimacy between Persons A and C, I don't feel they have done anything wrong yet.


The level of acceptable intimacy between friends defers from person to person. Personally, as long as they are not holding hands, kissing, having awesome sex etc. I'm still see the relationship as nothing more than 2 close friends hanging out.


And even if Person C indirectly causes Persons A and B to break up with each other, Person C is not at fault, so long as there is no romantic intimacy between Persons A and C before the breakup.



Let's say you bought a blue pen and have been using it for quite a while. And you're quite happy with it. But one day you see a black pen in a stationary shop that you really like. And you walk straight in and buy it. Is it the black pen's fault that you stop using the blue pen?


Nobody is at fault here. It is just a combination of factors that lead to the final outcome.


1. Person A choose someone whom he thought was the right one at that point of time when A and B got together.

2. Person B was not able to keep Person A's heart from looking for someone new

3. Person C's appearance made Person A realise that Person B may not be the right one after all


In my opinion, as long as there's a clean break off between Persons A and B before any serious romance begins between Persons A and C, it's perfectly fine. That's how the world works my friend.


However, if Persons A and C were already having romantic escapades even before the breakup of A and B, then BOTH of them are at fault.


A is at fault for being unfaithful to his partner, while B is at fault for crossing the line even though A and B are still together. But that doesn't mean Person B has totally no fault that the relationship failed. Person B was at fault for not being able to provide Person A with enough love/care/sex that he/she expected.



The Root Cause



And the whole reason why people in stable relationships tend to drift apart is that they tend to get too comfortable with each other. Yes, it's very normal for partners to shed their 'dating' skin and revert back to their natural caveman ways once the relationship is stable. Heck, even I do it. My babygirl is already so used to me yawning, burping and farting in the same room as her.


But what I mean by not getting to comfortable with someone is that you start taking for granted that he/she will still love you forever after without the need for you to put in any effort in the relationship. It's like saying "Me, owner. Me sit. You bring food." If you want a relationship like that, get a pet instead. [Just for the record, even pets run away from over-demanding owners]


Every relationship requires consistent effort by both parties to make it work through the years. The secret is to act as if you are still in the 'chase' phase of your relationship once in a while. Always think for your partner, give him/her a small surprise here and there, bring him/her out for a romantic dinner during special occasions.


As long as you keep your partner's heart racing and not knowing what comes next, it is quite impossible that he/she will even take a second look at any other potential partner other then yourself. That's why I made a promise to myself and my babygirl that "I will never stop chasing you"



Gossip Mongers



In any case, one should ALWAYS get their facts right before running your mouth off. Gossip is an evil thing and can lead to broken friendships and relationships even when the "issue" was not even an issue in the first place.


I only believe in 30% of what anyone says unless I hear it from the horse's mouth. If someone says someone else said this and that, please go and confirm with that someone that they actually said it. [Or check the CCTV and audio recording footage if you have any]


The bottom line is, if you do not have any facts on what really happened, please SHUT THE !@#$% UP. Not getting your facts right is like saying you believe me without any doubt when I say "Last night I killed a sabre-tooth tiger with my lightsaber while riding on my unicorn that farts rainbows!"


Wait, who took my picture last night!?

36 comments:

  1. your girlfriend was also engaged before. are you the third party as well?

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    Replies
    1. I've already said my piece and don't need to explain myself to you. My conscience is clear and I know that I did not do anything dishonourable.

      Delete
    2. I agree mostly with what you wrote. And yes, shallow gossipers always exist and there is no need to explain anything/everything to them; they will never be agreeable with your reply.

      Delete
  2. Colin, you will know how it feel when u become the Person B who was not able to keep Person A's heart from looking for someone new even after u have put up the engagement ring for her.

    i bet you will feel ashamed on your own post.

    all u have written in this post are all 风凉话 and act 圣人 in my point of view

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    Replies
    1. why are u even wasting time reading/listening to ppl talking 风凉话. my point of view..

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  3. U wrote as if u are VERY SURE that the slut has not slept with that jerk before the relationship has officially ended. In this world not only u & that jerk know about this slut. How many couple she had destroyed and the number of guys she had slept with, u know??? If u don't know a single shit about her life sleeping with numerous guys, please shut the Fark up! OR maybe u still enjoying her services while she's with his jerk? =)

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    1. so what if the slut has slept around.. buy a lock for ur bf dick and lock it up if u are afraid.

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  4. if your conscience is CLEAR, you wont be defending her. its that simple. you wont even write this no balls article when the victim is clearly not her but the poor girl whose happiness was ruined by your so called friend.

    think about it, poor gf plan the wedding, settle the flat and everything and next moment BAM! husband cheating on her. how would any girl take it?

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    Replies
    1. Maybe he and ZR got something ;) thus he is defending her?

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    2. maybe he just so SUAY to be even in that stupid picture that many ppl just start talking shit about him? ever thought about that?

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  5. having a marriage destroyed by a 3rd party is no joke i been through it, my marriage was destroyed by a 3rd party more so my bro in law wife aka my ex hubby Own bro wife.

    It destroyed the whole family mind u is 2 families who are destroyed not only yuki, imagine this shes your daugther how will u feel? if u are the in laws u will feel u let ur dil down by having such a jerk as ur son.

    it took me yrs to walk out but i did, this path is nt easy is dark and scary imagine going to past places and memories float up loads of what ifs will pop up in ur head.

    Zr is a home wrecker bottom line being her friend you should have scolded her and not surpported her for this episode instead of standing up for her.

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    Replies
    1. My post was NOT about ZR, but about relationships in general. Persons A, B and C in the post could have been both guys or girls. And please read the post again carefully. I did say that if the new couple had any form of romantic intimacy before the breakup, then they would be at fault.

      I do not know [and do not wish to know] the details of how far they have progressed before the breakup, but like I said the post is about couples in general. I emphasized that from the beginning of the post.

      As for your case, it's different because some of the parties involved are already legally married. Read my post again. I did say that what I wrote only applies to unmarried couples who have not gone through ROM.

      And just in case you are not familiar with Singapore law, adultery is one of the reasons to justify a divorce.

      So all in all, your rantings are invalid and carry no weight in the argument. Next please.

      Delete
    2. Minuteman, it's true love can't order nor force. it takes 2 hands to clap. Let's say ZR and AY r truly in love as in they finally found the missing piece in their life, with that clear thought of finally finding your right half, would you say things like "i can finally sleep well tonight. So happy that Alvin has finally told his parents he's postpone/cancel the wedding"!! Is this something for one sensible person to gloat over with? What is she trying to prove? That she won the battle against another woman over a man? That she's more capable?? Her cocky attitude is what that spur many to hate her. If they r truly in love and the damage has been done, one last thing that they can do if they are true about each other is to stand up and admit it! That gives Yuki a closure on this issue, not just lots and lots of assumption and self-blaming. AY has not said a single word in defense of his love either. He's coward and did not dare to admit he has strayed. If you stray, just said so, dun give lame excuses. ZR's life/girl as a blogger may interest you a while as it's interest, adventurous and unpredictable which gives you the thrill but those r just surface. He even look like an idiot in every photo of ZR's post. He stand behind/beside her like a dog with a blur fark loook in that broad and big frankenstein forehead. U be with someone who adds value to ur life, apparently, ZR just turn u into an idiot.

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    3. i agree with everything u say.. but i dont agree the last part about being an idiot.. only idiots know how a real idiot should be. agree?

      Delete
  6. i think your comparison is too childish. Wishing each other good nights and constantly texting the same opposite sex that is not your girlfriend is not right. Are you sure you okay with your girlfriend texting the same guy everyday.

    Actions speak louder than words and in this case, your words show that you have use your brains to think yet.

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    Replies
    1. In my opinion, if she does, then it is MY fault for not putting in enough effort to make her feel loved, to the point that she will want to find love from another guy.

      Delete
    2. dun be so naive and ego..i bet you will cry and beg her not to leave..

      Delete
  7. if you want to use the social media platform, please at least write something right. Im sure you want to be objective but apparently from this post, you are being really biased. Seriously, are you fit to be one when you cant differentiate right from wrong

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    1. agreed with you, please write something right and think before you write. Hopefully nowadays youngster will not accept this.

      I dont even know who the hell ZR, Alvin and Yuki they are. However, what Alvin did is just crazily idiot as a man, hwo can you simply propose to a gal when you will idiotily fall in love with other gal so easily. Is alvin not mature enough or he think marriage is just a game.

      Also, why do you think as long as there is no romantic intimacy between party A and C, then party C is not at fault? How sure you are that they do not have romantic intimacy? I dont know whose right whose wrong, but i feel this world is getting worst.

      Delete
  8. If you don't want people to gossip, then jolly well privatize your beloved blog. That is where and when you truly start talking to yourself. I can suggest you to start by ceasing your 'advertising gimmicks' on how you got "entwined into the saga" on twitter. Indeed that you have your free will to post anything, so do we have our own freedom to comment on anything.

    Stop contradicting yourself already, you don't even need to blog about this since you've already said that there is no need for you to explain to us anyway. So, why the fuss in this attempt? Just another attention seeker, this time with an ego three times your shirt size huh?

    You're probably just the same bird from Z's flock. I sure hope the same thing happens to you then.

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  9. Wow! You must a person with damn big heart! Ur dun even mind ur girlfriend having close "boys" friends... very Good that dine, talk and even wishes each other Good nights daily... clap clap clap... what a "awesome "bf u r!!! Hope she sees all this and start to act like that.

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    Replies
    1. wondering if u keep ur bf/gf to urself, lock him/her up at home.. so poor thing..

      Delete
  10. Dead Colin, you're just shooting yourself in the foot and making yourself such a hypocrite in the eyes of many readers. And please, as a blogger, you should have written something more intellectual and in better English than this. Especially when you plan to jump onto this gossip wagon.

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    1. why should he even have to write something intellectual? better english? how many singaporeans dont speak singlish... duh.

      Delete
  11. Dear Anonymous-es,

    I do not know whether or not you are the same person or different people, but I don't see anything wrong with having close guy/girl friends even if you are in a stable relationship.

    I often have meals with my close girl friends and my babygirl has no issues with that. And she too has her own close guys friends who I have met and have no problems with.

    A relationship is based on trust and honesty. If you can't even trust your partner with other members of the opposite sex, well that says a lot about how much you trust yourself with members of the opposite sex.

    You are all free to say what you want, but my views on relationships have been the same from the very beginning of this debate. It seems that you guys like to assume that I'm writing about ZR when I'm obviously not.

    Shouldn't the people focus on helping and encouraging those hurt most by the breakups instead of pointing fingers? [Which solves nothing]

    It's my blog and I'm free to write whatever I want, however I want.
    Comments from any more Anonymous-es will not be entertained from this point forward.

    And I state again, meaningless insults will be deleted.

    Bye!

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  12. Just curious, how close does your 'close' mean?

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  13. You should know there are people who found the evidence already!

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  14. I am not siding anyone. Seriously, Colin has done nothing wrong. He is just super unfortunate to know ZR and this post is about relationship in general.

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  15. To your gf Mint Leong, you can start to get intimidate with other guys as your bf doesnt mind and wont feel anything..just do whatever you want and if he scold or question you then ask him to read back his own blog.

    stop being a smartass as what you said is an evidence for your gf to go out with guys that you dont like.

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  16. Regarding to this area of ur post
    "I am totally not interested in whether or not ZR did or did not steal someone else's fiancée. That is irrelevant. This type of things happen everyday , but just because ZR is someone in the limelight, everyone starts wagging their tongues. If this happened to any of your secondary school or university friends that is not of any celebrity status, [read: someone who the public doesn't give a shit about] nobody would even be bothered to find out anything and just accept the fact that the new couple is together."

    For god sake.. ZR is not some celebrity/famous person..Like many others, i came across her only because of Alvin & Yuki. FYI even if she is some unknown person, netizens will still dig up and find out about her and see wat a slut she is and how she look like alright?

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  17. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  18. You got together with your girlfriend just a couple of months after her wedding got cancelled. Are you speaking from personal experience? It took me quite a while to understand what you're writing, but from a byststander's point of view (which of course, may not be true), it seems like you're person C.

    I bet you are estatic about your pageviews now. How did the thread -starter from harewarzone even know about your existence?

    And the 'read my post HERE'. Seriously, you have to include that line?

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  19. You got together with your girlfriend just a couple of months after her wedding got cancelled. Are you speaking from personal experience? It took me quite a while to understand what you're writing, but from a byststander's point of view (which of course, may not be true), it seems like you're person C.

    I bet you are estatic about your pageviews now. How did the thread -starter from harewarzone even know about your existence?

    And the 'read my post HERE'. Seriously, you have to include that line?

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  20. I finally found this blog. Oh gosh it is SO difficult to Google your blog. Nothing ever appears! :/

    ReplyDelete